Ahhhh naps...

We've suffered a major loss in our house recently.

My son has given up naps.

Moment of silence for the loss of my sanity, please.

(Sigh)

If you are a stay-at-home mom like me, you understand that the proper functioning of all members of the house lives and dies by the nap schedule. For most families, the hours of 1pm-3pm are sacred. SACRED, I tell you. When a well-meaning, typical older family member invites the family over for the dreaded late lunch (and by late I mean noon), the question for the parents of littles is always, "But what about nap time?" Awkward conversations begin amongst the extended family about how kids these days are no longer "flexible" and need to learn to "go with it" a little more. (Easy for you to say, Aunt Sally. You don't have to deal with the exhausted little minion come 5pm!) Some parents begin bargaining for who will attend with the older children and who will keep the little ones home for naps. Some parents drag along a pack and play (which initially requires four grown men to assemble) and hope for the best. It's a whole thing.

(And don't even get me started on those of you who schedule birthday parties at 1:30pm. Yeah, I see you.)

During a sleep regression or serious teething, most normally put together moms can be found around 4pm in their sweats, aimlessly wandering Target while chugging a latte because nobody napped, daddy's not home yet, and everyone has to endure at least 3 MORE BLESSED HOURS until the holy grail of bedtime. (Which may or may not even go very well.)

(Again, sigh.)

Naps really are important. These are the things that nobody tells you when you're pregnant. When you have a newborn, it's a non-issue because they spoil you and sleep anywhere and everywhere. The older ones (say 3 and up) can typically go without, and it's no big deal. The age where it becomes a truly critical puzzle piece in your day is from about 6 months to 3 years. 

So, what's a mom to do?

Today, I'm sharing the three keys I've learned to nap time success.

1) CONSISTENCY is the absolute key to our nap time bliss. Putting the baby down at noon one day and 2pm the next will not work out for ANYONE. Over time, their little bodies develop a rhythm, and they can adapt to whatever schedule you set, but you have to set it. And stick to it. That's the hard part...because it is SO tempting on a beautiful afternoon to push them too long at the park or on a busy Saturday to run "just one more errand" or on a holiday to throw the schedule out the window because they're having fun. But, OH, there is always hell to pay. And unless you're raising the dalai lama, the overly tired kid will fall asleep in the car for 10 minutes, wake up either hysterical or wired, and won't go back down until bedtime. Or you will have missed the window completely, they'll raise hell in their crib for an hour and be up until bedtime. Or, and this is just pure evil...they'll sleep for the most dreaded 45 minutes and wake up screaming like a mental patient.

 And ain't nobody got time for that.

2) THE PROPER ENVIRONMENT - At our house, blackout shades and white-noise machines are a must. We love this noise machine by Graco, but anything that makes noise will work. (A box fan, for example, if you're rolling on a budget.) There have been many days where 30 minutes into nap time, the next door neighbor decides his lawn needs a trim, and the white noise has been a savior. Turning on that noise signals sleep to my kids, and I am convinced they sleep harder and longer because of it. Blackout shades are just common sense. Darkness equals sleep.

3) A NAP TIME ROUTINE - Let's keep it real here - by nap time, I'm spent and really ready for a break. I would love nothing more than to just plop my kids in their beds and walk away. But I've learned the hard way that after a full morning of play time, that just doesn't work for my kids, and the extra 5-10 minutes of a wind down routine is really worth the effort. We do a very abbreviated version of our bed time routing which includes a diaper change, book, song, rocking (if age appropriate) and going into the crib (or bed) awake. If I take the time do help them wind down, they are usually down within 15-20 minutes, and the afternoon is much smoother for everyone.

 

 

(Don't let this picture fool you - it's from October...the last time Carter actually took a nap.) 

So, here's to happy napping and the preservation of our sanity, mama! Good luck!

The Power of Words

It was a Friday at 5pm. Carter was in timeout for the fourth time that afternoon, Kate was melting down because I wouldn't let her use the iPad, and I was on the verge of losing it. I knew my husband's time at home that night would be brief, as he was quickly turning around to attend a church event that evening, so in order to salvage what little sanity I had left, I loaded up the kids for a little outing.

I had a $10 Kohl's reward expiring the next day, so away we went to spend it. I let the kids get out and roam the toy section while I perused the clothing racks nearby. Although Carter knew he was not going to get to take a toy home that day as a consequence for not listening, he continued to show me things he'd like to buy, and I continued telling him that only Kate got a toy today. Kate begged me to open ("opa") everything, and had multiple tantrums as I explained that they were stuck in the boxes. I wasn't finding what I was looking for, and the kids were driving me nuts, so I grabbed a baby doll for Kate and started to leave.

As I loaded the kids up, I noticed a sales clerk approaching me. My gut instinct was to run, as I was certain she was about to try and sell me a credit card or something, but she stopped me. She asked if she could pay me a compliment. Confused at first, I simply said, "Excuse me?" She then stopped me dead in my tracks, as she said, "I just love the way you are talking to your children."

Say what?!!!

I looked around the store, certain she meant to stop someone else. Since there was no one else around, I simply said, "Wow. Thank you." Again, I tried to leave. But, she wanted to say more. "I just appreciate how patient and gentle you speak to them. It's not always that way. Believe me, I hear a lot of moms working here, and so many of them speak so unkindly to their children." I was dumbfounded.

This was a day when I felt as if my kids were going to drive me to the looney bin, and I certainly didn't feel like I had spoken with kindness to them in that store, but it was such a good reminder for me. I lose my temper very easily, and I've often found myself saying things to them that immediately caused me guilt and shame. (I distinctly remember one time mumbling something to Kate about finding her a new home when she wouldn't stop crying at Carter's first dentist appointment. She was too young to understand me, but hello...low point!)

The words we choose to use with our children have POWER - what our kids hear from us, they internalize. They take those words with them, and those words shape them into the man or woman they become. Everyday, I find myself using words that I heard myself growing up. (And many times, it's the things I always swore I'd NEVER say to my own kids! How does that happen?!!)

So, the next time I find myself telling my kids to sit down and eat their dinner "because I said so," I hope I also find myself encouraging, supporting, and building them up, as I remember that the words they hear from me now will stay with them long after.