The Underdog

So, here's the thing...I have a thing for the underdog. I always have. 

The truth is, I blame my mother. My first dog was the runt of her litter, and from that moment on, I became just smitten with the little guys. The outcasts. The Davids of the world. The ones who really have to fight for it. 

Whether it be the new kid in class who sat alone in the cafeteria for weeks before making her first friend, or Forrest Gump actually graduating from college despite his low IQ, or the skinny kid going out for the football team who spends his entire summer in the weight room, they absolutely steal my heart. 

There is something so magical to me about the journey from nothing to greatness. When the tortoise crosses the finish line, slowly of course, to the hare's absolute shock and dismay, it truly gives me goosebumps. To see Michael Oher get drafted into the NFL with a loving family by his side when just years before was homeless and on the streets brings me to tears. The journey, the hard work, the determination to never quit...the underdog story is my Kryptonite. My Achilles heel. My weakness. 

I just can't get enough of these stories.

So, I'm telling you all of this with a point, I promise. I had a conversation with our agency several weeks ago as we were reviewing our family profile that went something like this...

Social Worker (SW): "I see here you are open to either gender at this point. I'm assuming your preference is a girl, though, correct? I want to let you know that we have many, many families in line for girls, so if you are hoping for a girl, we will want to be specific on your profile. You can expect to be waiting six to nine months for a referral."

Me: "We are truly open at this point. How long are referrals taking for boys in our age range?"

SW: "We only have one family with a dossier in China currently who is pursuing a boy, so a few weeks at most. We find boys are much harder to match...simply because they are boys."

Me: "Really? How sad! Why is that?"

SW: "We don't really know, to be honest. There is just such a strong preference for girls in adoption, China specifically, that we almost consider being a boy a special need all by itself. They wait so much longer for families just because so few come forward for boys. China boys are the underdogs."

And, I melted to a puddle right there on the floor. Check mate. Done. My heart is gone.

Me: "Yes, let's go ahead and change our checklist to specify a boy, same age and medical needs."

After about ten minutes of cheering and absolute elation from the social worker, we have made it official that we are now solely pursuing a baby BOY. And, we could not be more thrilled to watch this underdog story unfold in our little family. 

Thanks for continuing to journey this process with us! :) 

  

"But There Aren't Any Boys in China..."

A lot of my conversations regarding our adoption lately have gone a little something like this...

Friend: So, I read on your blog that you guys are open to either gender. Doesn't everyone who adopts from China get a girl? Don't the Chinese families keep all the boys?

Me: Well, actually, by not specifying that we want a girl, we are actually more likely to be matched with a boy. Adopting from China has changed so much in the last ten years that the children who are eligible for adoption from China are actually pretty 50/50 boys and girls. There are just WAY more families requesting girls, so we'll probably get a boy. And we would be thrilled with that.

Friend: But don't they just abandon all the girls because they want boys? Because of the one-child  thing?

Me: Yes and no. The rural families do prefer boys because they need to care for the family as they age, but they only want the healthy boys. We are adopting from the "Waiting Child" program which means our baby will have at least some minor/correctable medical needs. There are just as many boys in this program as there are girls...just fewer families requesting the boys.

Friend: (Quietly) So, are you, like, adopting a kid who will be wheelchair-bound and never be independent? (insert look of horror)

Me: Well, we are mostly open to minor and correctable needs like cleft lip, minor birthmarks, and minor heart defects, so most likely, no. But we never really know what cards we'll be dealt in life, do we? Any of us - Carter, Kate, me, you - could be injured and left wheelchair-bound tomorrow in a car accident, and we'd do what we need to do to carry on. There are just no guarantees in life, are there?

Friend: (Crickets chirping)

Okay, so in all seriousness, I do have conversations like this ALL. THE. TIME. I keep having to fight this misconception that there are only girls adopted from China, so I wanted to take a minute to address it.

FACT: In the 1990s, there were THOUSANDS of healthy infant girls who were adopted to the United States due to the one-child law and China's societal preference for boys. 

FACT: As much as I'd love the return of parachute pants and Paula Abdul, thank God it's not the 90s anymore...

FACT: In 2015, families pursuing the "healthy infant" program from China are waiting 9+ years for a baby, and virtually no agencies are even offering this program to new families anymore. Almost all adoptions from China in the last 5 years have been children with identified medical needs...many of which are very minor or repaired prior to adoption.

FACT: China does have a societal preference for boys...but that preference is for HEALTHY boys. Boys who are born with any sort of deformity (correctable or not), medical concern, or illness are considered bad luck for the family, so these boys are typically abandoned somewhere they will be quickly be found.

FACT: China does not have affordable, quality health insurance. Children who have medical needs and need corrective surgery (even minor surgeries like cleft lip repair) are often the ones discarded by families because they cannot afford the expensive upfront cost of the surgery. They literally have no choice but to abandon and hope someone can care for their child. In the cases of babies with heart defects, the decision is often life or death. 

FACT: Health care in China is...how do I say this...not up to par with the USA. Often, children are misdiagnosed and families abandon their children out of fear. I read about the precious little boy you see below on a blog yesterday. This beautiful boy was found near a trash pile at just a few weeks old. Let that sink in a second. A trash pile. He was diagnosed with a very mild heart condition once he came to his orphanage that simply needs monitoring. No scary surgery. Just watching and regular check-ups. The foster home that cares for him now speculates that a doctor probably got it wrong and told these parents he had something much more serious when he was born. Talk about tragic...on so many levels.

[I mean...y'all. That perfect little face. The sassy tongue. The perfect little almond eyes. I die.]

FACT: More than 80% of families who apply to adopt from China specifically request a girl, according to our agency. I have no idea why. I wish I did. I don't know the answer as to why...but thinking of all the boys with minor medical needs who wait longer for families JUST BECAUSE THEY ARE BOYS breaks my heart. One agency we spoke to actually told us that merely being a boy was considered a special need because so few families requested boys. When we told our agency that we were open to either gender (but I shared that I secretly preferred a boy...), she literally cheered on the phone and told us how thrilled she was to hear that.

So, let's sum it up. YES, there are boys who will walk and talk and one day leave the nest available for adoption in China. It's not a myth! We will continue to remain open to either a boy OR a girl. We know that God wrote our perfect story long before we were even walking this planet, and we cannot wait to see how it all unfolds.

  

Carter is FOUR!

I cannot believe my baby boy is FOUR!!! 

We had a great weekend celebrating this big guy with family and friends. We started the morning with pancakes, headed off to church, and then came home for presents. He got his first bike and was PUMPED! It took him NO time to figure out how to go, and I am now running after him on walks. So much for those negative exercise Jeep rides! ;)

One of his favorite shows right now is Bubble Guppies, and that's the theme he chose for his birthday party. After throwing out a lengthy list of possible locations for the party (which were all rejected), Carter decided he wanted to have his friends over to our house to celebrate. He's a total homebody, so this was not super surprising to me now that he's become so...ahem...opinionated. So, two bounce houses, two bubble machines, and 36 cupcakes later, we had ourselves a Bubble Guppies bash for Cart and 12 of his friends!

Carter has really come into his own and developed quite a goofy, independent, and protective little personality this year. He is growing and learning every day, and it has been so much fun to watch him blossom from the quiet and shy little three year-old toddler into the fun and playful four year-old. Over the past year, he took swim lessons, attended preschool three days a week, played soccer for the first time, and developed his first real friends. He is changing everyday, and I cannot wait to see what adventures come his way this year. Couldn't love you more if I tried, buddy! XOXO.

Friday Favorites: All About CARTER!

For this edition of Friday Favorites, I'm focusing on my sweet and handsome little man! (Sorry girl moms...this one's for the boy!)

1) Our Discovery of Paw Patrol

Praise the sweet baby Jesus, our Caillou phase is OVER! Gone are the days of the whiny bald (seriously, why IS he bald at age 4?!!) kid, and welcome are the days of the sweet and heroic band of rescue pups! Hallelujah! This show is SO sweet...even little Kate gets excited for "Paw Papole" :) If you haven't watched it with your toddler yet, check it out! You can find it on Nick, Jr.

2) His Current Obsession with Basketball

We were in Dick's Sporting Goods one day, and Carter found a Texas Tech (ahem, excuse me while I vomit) basketball, and he proceeded to beg for it because it had "Daddy's team" on it. I gave in, and this kid is DETERMINED to learn how to dribble. This dumb $14 basketball occupies him ALL DAY LONG. We moved our indoor goal outside to the driveway, and he will spend a good 30 minutes out there by himself shooting hoops. And my favorite part is that every time he scores, he jumps up and down and yells, "Two points!" Bless him.

3) His Insistance on Doing Anything I Ask "Because I Love You"

Lately, if I ask him to come sit with me on the couch or watch a movie with me or play trucks with me or do just about ANYTHING with me, he agrees with a big smile, and then (be still my heart) he says, "Sure, Mommy, I'll (sit with you/play with you/whatever I ask) because I love you." I have NO CLUE where he learned that, but it NEVER gets old. This guy's a keeper.

4) He's Regressing

Lately, he's been asking for things using Kate-speak. If he wants me to open something, he'll bring it to me and imitate his sister by saying, "opa, opa" or doing the sign language for please. I make him repeat it using big-kid language since he's almost four, but MAN, it cracks me up! Oh, and he's been throwing tantrums again...probably because she is. That part is definitely NOT on the favorites list.

5) Little Critter Books

His favorite book series right now is Little Critter, and it just makes my heart happy because I LOVED those books growing up as a kid, too. (And it doesn't hurt that they are pretty quick reads at bedtime!) We have a few that were Blake's that his mom passed down, and those are Carter's favorite..."because Daddy read these books when he was a kid." :)

6) His Newfound Love of Performing

This is a new one that really only happens in the privacy of our home with no audience, but I LOVE watching this kid rock out into his Bubble Guppies microphone and dance. He's got some KILLER moves...including the most amazing little leg twist/kick thing. Cracks. Me. Up.

Couldn't love this little man more if I tried! Happy weekend, friends!!

Soccer Saturdays

A lifelong nightmare of mine came true back in December...I became a soccer mom. That's right. We are now the proud owners of shinguards, 3 different soccer balls, and a set of orange cones for practicing. I think a part of me just died.

Growing up, I absolutely detested soccer. I played for half of a season in Kindergarten, only went to the games for the orange slices, ran around the field aimlessly with a side cramp, and begged my parents to let me quit after the fourth or fifth game. 

BUT...

As hard as this is for me to admit, I absolutely LOVE it...probably because he's only three and spends half of the game tackling his friends, but I must admit, they are the highlight of my weekend. Y'all...Pre-K soccer is stinkin' hilarious.

Here is the team pic...where do I even begin?? The awkward poses and smiles, how every child is holding a ball, the shorts pulled up to their ears, the kids showing guns...these are the kiddos I get to watch every weekend run around aimlessly chasing a ball in a giant beehive. And I freakin' love it.

And this guy...be still my heart. Aside from the minor snot hanging out of his nose, I'm pretty sure this is the most awkwardly adorable picture I've ever seen. The squint, the side eye, the smirk...perfection. Man, I love this kid.

And now, I leave with you with a few action shots...

 Lots of this happens...

 Sideline shenanigans.

And one last one of the sweetest little cheering section...because I just can't help myself.