Why You Need Margin, Mama

I was recently reading a poll of sorts in a Facebook group that asked the ladies there how often they have time away from their kids. And by that, she didn't mean the hour after they've gone to bed where you sprawl out on the couch with Netflix or Instagram. (Although all the praise hands for that hour in the day, am I right?) And she didn't mean the 15 minutes before they wake up where you chug your coffee and speed-read Beth Moore so you can check "quiet time" off your list for the day.

What this question was getting at the heart of was margin. This friend of mine was asking a group of trusted, wise women how often they create margin in their lives in order to get things done or relax or pursue passions outside of the family. 

The answers astounded me.

The majority of the women who responded had NONE. Other than those 15 minutes before the kids get up and the hour after they go to bed, about 80% of the women who responded had no more than their time in the bathroom or their time taking a shower away from their kids. And let's be real - those kids are either prying their grubby fingers under the bathroom door or standing just outside the shower glass during either of those tasks, so in my book, neither of those count.

My answer was a little bit different than most because this year, I gave myself a gift: Wednesdays from 9-2.

The truth is that I need to work at least a little bit at my kids' preschool because two in preschool on a single income is HARD. So, for the first time in three years, there is one day a week where the kids are all in school for 5 blessed hours, and I am free as a bird. Some Wednesdays, I am super productive: in those five hours, I run every errand known to mankind, hit the gym, get my nails done, grab an oil change, and use all 300 minutes I'm given to their utmost potential. One Wednesday, I sat in a coffee shop, brainstormed blog post ideas, and wrote my little heart out. Other Wednesdays, I crawl under a big ole blanket on my couch with a hot cup of coffee and binge Grey's Anatomy. 

And you know what?

I am a better mom to my three kiddos for it.

On the surface, the idea that leaving my children for five hours in childcare makes me a better mom can sound hypocritical, so let's dissect this a bit.

When Carter was six months old, my husband and I started marriage counseling. We had only been married about a year and a half, but the stress of working (at that point) full-time, being still somewhat newlyweds, struggling with managing our finances, and oh yeah, having a baby less than a year into marriage was just too much for us both. We were fighting like crazy, both feeling angry and resentful and like the other partner wasn't doing their part to balance this whole charade. 

The burnout I was feeling was all over my face, and I remember our therapist asking me what I was doing in my life that made me happy. I'm fairly certain I must've looked at her as if she had just grown a unicorn horn. I was completely and utterly confused by this question. I thought, "Who has time for that right now, lady? I'm swimming upstream everyday managing what I have...how can I possibly add in time for me?!" 

But she said something to me that day that has stuck with me for years - something I absolutely believe at the core of my being to be true. Yes, she said, you are a wife and a mother and a teacher, but you are also a woman and a friend and a daughter, and just because you entered motherhood doesn't mean those roles went away.

I heard it described another way at church one Sunday when our pastor was preaching on margin. That's the first time I was really able to define this important piece of our lives that so many women seem to be completely ignoring. Our pastor was speaking of financial margin - in other words, understanding your financial boundaries and living within those limitations with room to spare.

Women, we have got to live our lives with room to spare.

We pour out and pour out and pour out and serve and serve and serve some more, but the sad reality is that so many of us are serving up empty glasses. We simply have nothing left to pour out anymore because we are not pouring IN to ourselves by living our lives with margin. We are filling every single square inch of our lives with our children and our obligations and we're forgetting ourselves in the mix.

 Here's the hard thing: the truth is that the math of margin sometimes doesn't add up. We can't afford to send our children to preschool an extra day or we have no extra funds that would allow us to bring in a babysitter for a few hours or we have circumstances in our lives that don't allow us to be away from our children due to special needs. I get it, I really do. I spent ten straight months with Brooks when he first came home from China because we needed to bond and attach to each other. In that particular season, I had to get very creative about finding margin. I had to go meet girlfriends for dinner after he had gone to bed and didn't even know I was gone. Or I had to get up super early to hit the 6am yoga class while he still couldn't handle the gym childcare. Or I had to stay up into the wee hours of the morning to get that blog post written. 

Sometimes, it's not always as clear-cut as a Wednesday from 9-2. 

But whatever margin looks like for you, I would encourage you to find it. Nope, let's rephrase that.  I would encourage you to create it.  

Finding margin isn't easy and it can take work. I remember talking to a sweet mama at a MOPS meeting a few weeks ago about margin, and she looked at me like I was crazy when I shared about my Wednesdays and how healthy they've been for me. I could tell she didn't quite understand my need for this mental health break, so I turned the question back on her and asked what she would do with five hours to herself every week. She shook her head, her eyes welled up, and she said, "I don't know. I think I'd spend the whole time crying and missing my kids." 

Ladies, there is so much more to this season of your life than those tiny people you raise. Yes, you're a mother, and that's an incredible thing, likely something you've dreamed about since you were a little girl. BUT! BUT! Don't lose who God made you to be in the chaos of it all. He created you with unique talents and gifts and planted dreams in you that you've likely forgotten in your sleep-deprived, yoga-pants, overly caffeinated state. But, I have a feeling, if you dig hard enough, you'll find them. They'll be dusty and may even be broken, but they're still there.

You're still you. 

  I don't know about you, but I really don't want to stand before God when I get to heaven and say, "Sorry, man. I know you gave me this incredible gift that I totally wasted, but I was just so tired from all the babies."

You still have purpose. 

I'd encourage you to dig up that dream you had when you were eight. Dust it off. Revisit what it could look like for you today. It'll likely look different, but I bet the fire is still there. 

And if nothing else, I'd encourage you to carve out some space this month for margin. Give yourself an hour. Put me to the test. See what it could do for your soul. My bet? You'll return refreshed, focused, and better able to pour into those little people you love so much because you took time to pour in to YOU.  

Why JUST Is A Four-Letter Word

We were at lunch with some sweet friends last week when it happened. It was a very common lunchtime conversation moms have about this time of year, and it went something like this. 

Mom A: "We are so bored, you guys. If I have to fight with them about the iPad again today, I might just lose it." 

Mom B: "Amen. When does school go back in session again?"

Mom A: "Not soon enough. Thank God for camps, though, right?" 

Mom C: "Yeah, I'm ready, too...but I just have one kid, so I have no right to complain." 

And then, two hours later, it happened again on the phone.

Mom Friend: "I just don't know how to get her to stop throwing such awful fits."

Me: "I wish I knew. Three kids in, and I still don't know how to diffuse some of their rants."

Mom Friend: "It's exhausting. I don't know how you do it everyday, all day. I just have them nights and weekends, and I can't even do it right." 

Six years ago, almost to the day, I dropped 12-week-old Carter off at his first day of daycare. I cried the whole way to work and everyday I dropped him off for the next nine months. It was the hardest year of my life, and I ended up in therapy for the first time since high school that spring. 

I just had one kid.

I just had him nights and weekends.

Here's the thing - life and parenting is HARD. Period. No matter the age. No matter the stage. No matter if we have one kid or twelve. No matter if we work outside the home or inside the home. No matter if we're single or divorced or have been married 42 years. 

And when we put a qualifier on our struggles like just, we discredit our struggle because someone else, it seems, has it harder. We feel as if we have to justify ourselves for thinking it's hard because we "JUST" something...we just have one kid, we just see them after day care, we just have kids without special needs, we just have biological kids, we just have boys, we just have girls, we just stay at home...the list could go on and on.

I've been thinking a lot lately about why we do this just thing with regards to sharing our struggles, and here's why it bothers me so much - it stems from comparison. How many times have we, as women or moms, had a conversation with a friend where we compared our children? I'm not sure I can remember a play date or a conversation I've had with other moms where comparison DIDN'T happen. It comes as naturally as breathing. We do it in an attempt to find common ground, but the truth is that comparing our children usually doesn't find common ground...it usually just leaves us feeling bad about ourselves or unnecessarily worried about our children.

Oh, your kid was speaking full sentences at 18 months? Mine only said mama and dada.

Oh, your kid was fully potty-trained by two? Mine still needs a diaper at almost three.

Oh, your kid was reading by four? Mine is getting tutoring in second grade.

Oh, your kid licks the wall? Okay, yeah, mine doesn't do that. 

But, you get the point!

Can I let you in on a secret? When God created you, He created you and wired you in such a specific way that you have the exact right tools to parent the children He's given you. No one else. Those little cherubs were made specifically for YOU. Period. There's no need to compare when He equipped YOU for the job.  

So, a favor, ladies...the next time you find yourself tempted to downplay or discredit a struggle you're facing just because someone else seemingly has it harder, give yourself some grace. Quit the comparison trap. You are the only one in the world in  your exact circumstances. Parenting your exact children. 

And you know what? You are just what they need.

The Playhouse

You know that old saying, "The Lord works in mysterious ways?" Sometimes, he even uses dirty plastic playhouses...because He can.  

It was a typical Thursday evening. We had just returned home from the gym, and I was making dinner. Tacos, obviously, since I had just worked out for an hour. ;) I was feeling pretty rotten and down because the kids had been fighting all week, the weather was icky for May, and our family has been stuck in a season of disappointment and heartache for the last two months. 

Over the last eight weeks, we have declined our first referral from China due to some inaccurate information in the file, we put our beloved Boston Terrier to sleep due to a neurological issue, and we have adopted...and returned...another puppy to her rescue group due to safety concerns with our yard and her ability to create an escape route. Disappointment after disappointment after disappointment. It was one of those days where I had just been praying for something, ANYTHING, to go right.

My daughter is two and a half. (Moment of silence, please.) She is at that age where the slightest little thing sets her off, so as I had neared the end of cooking, I went to poke my head outside where my sweet hubby was playing with the kids to ask if she wanted a crunchy shell or a tortilla for her taco, and I ended up standing there staring for a solid ten minutes completely unnoticed.

As I looked outside, I found my husband, all 6 feet and 200+ pounds of him, scrunched into our tiny Little Tykes plastic playhouse with both kids. He was asking about their day, tickling them, giggling with them, just enjoying their company. And they were EATING IT UP.

I stood in the doorway for several minutes, just savoring the sight of those three laughing and happy. And it dawned on me. I immediately felt the Holy Spirit saying to me, "When was the last time YOU enjoyed their company? When was the last time YOU were thankful for the people you still have? Don't you see what all I've already given you!"

There's a line in a song by Casting Crowns I'm loving right now that says, "If your eyes are on the storm, you'll wonder if I love you still. But if your eyes are on the cross, you know I always have and I always will." At that moment, that line made sense. I realized I had been approaching this hard season in completely the wrong way.

Because of a plastic playhouse. 

Rather than approaching this season with my eyes on the cross and the blessings and the good, my eyes have been on the storm and the waiting and the hard. My eyes have been so focused on the heartache and the disappointment and the jealousy of what we DON'T HAVE right now, that I've completely missed out on enjoying what we DO HAVE. 

And because God works in that mysterious way, it took a plastic playhouse to remind me of all He's already done for me.

"Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise; His greatness no one can fathom. One generation commends your works to another; they tell of your mighty acts." -Psalm 145:3-4

Goals for May

Well, hey there new month! I am SO ready for you. Y'all, April was hard, and I am SO excited to have it behind me so we can move on to better, less sad things.

Let's look back first...

March 30th, we got our first referral call.

March 31st, we learned this little boy's file had errors in it resulting in us not being qualified to adopt him, so the file was moved to another family.

April 1st, our precious dog, Emma, jumped up on to my bed in the morning and let out a huge squeal in pain. This injury would ultimately lead to her loss.

April 13th, We had to let Emma go. She was just in too much pain, so she peacefully left this world late that afternoon. 

The remainder of the month, I was just not really fun to be around. The kids were difficult, I was missing Emma and mad about our lost referral, work was hard, and I got really out of the habit of taking care of myself. Everyone suffered, so I am THRILLED to have a fresh start in May, and I am determined to do better.

So, here are my goals for May: 

1) Get back into the habit of waking up BEFORE the kids.

This was one of my New Year's Resolutions, and I was SO GOOD about it until about March. We went through a rough patch, and I just didn't make my morning quiet time a priority. This will be difficult in May because Carter is now getting up with the early sunrise between 6 and 6:30 (thanks daylight savings time...except NOT...). We are going to get him blackout curtains to see if it helps, but he's coming downstairs by 6:30 which means I need to back myself up to about 6am. Ouch. 

2) Run twice a week.

I've been running every weekend for the last month or so, but I really want to find at least one week night to do it, too. I walk and do some yoga throughout the week, but I need that one good cardio session mid-week to clear my head. It just makes me a better mom and wife to get a good 30-minute run in when I can. 

3) Turn my phone off at 9:15pm.

A couple of months ago, I set an alarm on my phone for 9:15 to remind me to give Blake some of my attention at night because I was finding myself totally absorbed in work/social media/the DVR/anything BUT HIM in the evenings. This alarm has helped tremendously, even if just means we sit together on the couch. He feels like a priority, and I know that's important to him. BUT, I am SO guilty of getting back on my phone after an hour or so and staying up until 10:30/11 on it. I can't get to sleep or sleep soundly when I finally turn it off...so, if goal #1 is going to happen, this needs to happen, too. 

4) FINISH one book. 

Who else is in the I-start-all-the-books-but-never-finish-one camp? I have about eight on my bedside table that I've started and not finished. I WILL finish one this month!

5) Change my outlook.

This is the biggest one that (I hope!) makes all the others fall back into place. I think the second half of April was rough at our house because of ME, not our circumstances. Was it really hard to lose both a referral AND my precious sidekick in two weeks time? Of course. But should I have let those circumstances totally dictate my attitude toward everything else? NO! That was totally on me. I am in control of how I look at my days, so I can't blame our circumstances for that one.

I'll recap at the end of the month and let you know how I did. 

And check back tomorrow...my big boy is turning FIVE, so I'll be taking a trip down memory lane. (Hold me.)

Thank You Notes

This post is dedicated to all of us who are just barely hanging on by a thread in these last few weeks before summer.

Cue Jimmy Fallon Music...

Thank you, Teacher Appreciation Week. You are timed just so perfectly between spring break and summer vacation that weary teachers everywhere just might find the strength to carry on three more weeks. Bikini season be damned. You are worth every calorie.

Thank you, Peppa Pig. Your cute British accent, mischievous antics, and grossly overweight (and slightly arrogant, I might add) father keep both of my children entertained for just long enough that restroom breaks and Instagram skimming can be done in peace. Bless you. You, my friend, are a gift to mothers everywhere. And as a bonus, thank you for teaching our children to use ridiculously cute words like rubbish, a bit, and petrol. (Why yes, Kate, your back-talking WAS just "a bit" funny.)

Thank you, Jen Hatmaker, for letting the moms off the hook for slacking educationally during the months of April and May. As I entered the preschool today, I realized I had not only forgotten my son's towel for "beach day," but I had also forgotten his extra set of clothes AND I was informed that I was delinquent on supply fees and tuition forms for next year. (Keep in mind...this preschool is also my PLACE OF EMPLOYMENT.) Did I sweat it or feel the slightest guilt? NOPE. Because Jen Hatmaker is a terrible end-of-school-year parent, and she says you can STOP YELLING AT ME. You just wait until August, dear teachers. We will be ALL. OVER. IT.

Thank you, Lunchables. Your overly processed and slightly damp meat, stale crackers, and not-even-kinda-cheese cheese make mornings slightly tolerable. Throw one of those suckers in with a pouch of applesauce and yogurt tube, and we are out of the door. Four food groups baby, BAM! I tip my hat to you and beg for the pediatrician's forgiveness.

Thank you, search-for-the-perfect-rescue-puppy, for distracting me from the fact that we are 11 weeks in to a supposedly "3 months or less" wait for our adoption referral. I'm not at ALL nervous/anxious/eager/excited every time my phone rings these days. I'm not even KIND OF thinking about the fact that we could see our child's face any day. And I'm definitely NOT counting the days (76) since our dossier went to China.

Nope, instead, I'm dying inside and oohing and aahing looking at faces like this girl and emailing ALL THE RESCUE GROUPS. Yep, that sweet face is probably the newest addition to our little clan here in a few weeks. China hasn't given me a baby yet, and I have this crazy/neurotic/might-need-a-little-therapy need to have something warm and snugly in my life that DOESN'T TALK BACK. So, blog world, meet Abby. :) We promise to train her to eat food off the floor, jump on the UPS man, and clean Kate's booster seat after dinner...Ezells earn their keep, people.

Here's to the home stretch. Summer is in sight. Have a great weekend, friends!
    

Kate-isms

This little princess has been absolutely CRACKING US UP lately with all of the funny and witty things she says, so I had to take a moment and write them down. I worried I'd forget them otherwise! I apologize in advance if you don't know her, because you might not find these as funny as if you did, but this girl...she's just a trip!

(Leaving the North Pole Express train ride)

Me: Kate, do you think Santa will bring you your Baby Alive doll for Christmas?

Kate: Yep!

Me: Are you on the nice list or the naughty list?

Kate: I'm on the FUNNY list! 

(On the way to my ob/gyn...she sadly had to tag along...)

Me: Kate, guess who we are going to go see?

Kate: Who?

Me; The doctor who took care of you while you were in my tummy!

Kate: What the what?!!

Me; Yeah! You grew in my tummy!

Kate: You ate me?!!

(Singing "the poop song" in the car...yeah, we made up a song about poop...whatever gets the job done, people!)

Kate: P-O-O-P, that's how you spell poop! Poop, poop, poop, poop, every body poops!

Carter: Daddy poops, Kate poops, Emma poops...

Kate: Emma poops A LOT, Bubba. It be super stinky.

She photobombs like a pro...

eats like a man...

and is just an absolute hoot! 

Thanks for always cracking us up, sweet thing! You add so much laughter and FUN to our days! XO!

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When RIGHT. NOW. Doesn't Happen...

If you are the mom of a toddler like me, you understand their need to have what they want RIGHT NOW. Not in five minutes. Not tomorrow. Not next week. 

RIGHT. 

NOW. 

The scene was not unusual for our, ahem, dramatic one. We were leaving the library, and Kate decided she wanted to "drive" my car. (Translation - sit in my lap, turn the steering wheel, and push lots of buttons she shouldn't be pushing.) It was over 100 degrees outside, Carter needed to go to the bathroom, and it was nearly 6pm, so we needed to get home for dinner and I told her she could drive once we got home.

Cue massive tantrum.

She arched her back and resisted my attempts to get her into her car seat. Forcing her arms under the straps and holding her stomach against the back of the chair were required to get her safely buckled in. All the while she is screaming her little heart out, demanding, "I drive, Mommy! I drive!" 

"You can drive at home, honey. Five minutes," I told her repeatedly.

 The exchange continued over and over again until I gave up and simply stopped responding. My poor sensitive one, meanwhile, had his ears covered up with his hands, trying to drown out the wails of an obviously mistreated sister. God forbid she wait FIVE MINUTES to get what she wants.

The eight minute car trip seemed endless, but we finally made it to our neighborhood and sister got to drive. (Side note - she actually started crying AGAIN once she got what she wanted. No clue. It's tough being one.)  

As I thought about what happened in the car later that night, I began to wonder how I could better respond to her incessant demands. They seemed to come all day long, and I needed a new strategy.  It was then that I began to remember all the times I had demanded something of God RIGHT. NOW. 

As a newly single woman at 23, I watched many of my friends get married, feared I was shriveling up into an Old Maid, and pleaded for Him to bring me my husband RIGHT. NOW.

When I wasn't pregnant after returning from our honeymoon, I demanded He give me a baby RIGHT. NOW.

When I was looking for a job after graduating, I begged Him to bring me a position RIGHT. NOW.

And then it hit me. I am no better than a screaming toddler who cannot wait FIVE MINUTES to get what she wants. God sees me just like I see my child. I want things on MY TERMS, and I want them RIGHT. NOW. But God knows better.

God knows that my understanding of time is not His. Waiting a year to reveal my husband to me may have seemed as endless to me as that eight minute car trip seemed to Kate. But God sees a bigger picture and knows that my prayer will be answered on HIS terms, and in HIS timing.

And thank goodness for that.

Blake and I have said many times that if we had met each other at ANY other time in our lives, we wouldn't have worked out. Despised each other probably. He was a rebel and a jokester who roamed the halls of his high school making faces in classroom windows and didn't really take anything seriously until about a week before we met, and I have always been a project-minded person who was upset by a 97, follows rules religiously, and needs encouragement to let loose. We would've annoyed the crap out of each other up until the day we met. But at 24 and 26, we were finally on the same page.

No coincidence. God knew that.

So, to my incredibly impatient soul sisters who are longing for something RIGHT. NOW. and aren't getting the answer they want, remember that God sees the bigger picture of your life. He's got a plan whether you can see it or not. Trust in that.

His timing is perfect, His timing is on purpose, and His timing is worth the wait.

Oh, and if anyone has suggestions for not losing your friggin' mind dealing with a strong-willed toddler all day, send 'em my way! :)

Summer Goals

Preschool is officially over for both kids, the splash pads are open, and we have very little on the calendar (during the week at least) for the foreseeable future. That must mean one thing...summer is here! :) 

This year absolutely FLEW by, and the kids have grown SO much I can hardly believe it. Although Kate physically grew the most, Carter's social development has been IN-SANE this year, as he really made his first true friends in school this year, and for that, I'm SO thankful.

If you know me in real life or have read more than one or two of my blog posts, you know that the days with no agenda are the ones that stress me out the most...so, summer is usually pretty hard for me because there are a LOT of those days. I have gotten much better than I used to be...in college, I had a minute-by-minute schedule in my planner each day that included travel time between classes and snack breaks...no, really. I was so tightly wound and thought that going to two classes a day was SO BUSY that it's amazing to me I had any friends back then. (And if I could go back and shake that girl silly, I'd do it in a minute. You have no idea how easy you have it, college girl!) Nowadays, I generally tend to live somewhere east of Dictator Diana and west of Free Spirit Francis. As the kids get older and I'm realizing how fast this whole preschool age goes by, I'm learning the happy medium.

This summer, I want to be more intentional about spending quality time with my kids. Don't get me wrong...there is a LOT of togetherness around here since I stay home and there are no longer any school days. But, if I'm being honest, I think I am very guilty of thinking that since there is such a large QUANTITY of time together, that it's quality. And that's definitely not the case. I have been very convicted lately that I spend most of the day trying to get the kids involved in doing things without me - I put on a show, set them up with coloring books, dump out the Legos...but then I walk away. I get on my phone, do chores, or try to read while they play. I'm not involved. And I'm missing such good stuff!

So, that's my goal for this summer. Since the fall promises to be absolutely NUTS with starting a new job, MOPS commitments, and just ALL THE REST OF IT, I want to let go some days of the schedules and my incessant need to be on a timetable and just BE PRESENT WITH THEM.  

I want to blow up the inflatable kiddie pool, run through the sprinklers, eat popsicles, picnic at the park, just WHATEVER.

I want to move slower, accomplish less, and ENJOY more.

So, those are my goals for summer. We'll see how long it lasts. ;)

Momfessionals

So, better late than never, right?!! :) Today's Show & Tell Tuesday (or Wednesday...) is all about our momfessionals - a term that basically means our mom confessionals. In other words, how we all survive this NUTTY motherhood thing without LOSING OUR MINDS. 

So, let's go!

1) I HEART PRESCHOOL

After Kate's horrific first year and surviving all of the colic, I was so desperate for a little "me" time this year that I convinced my husband to let me send the kids to two different preschools since she was too young to attend Carter's...and the cherry on top was that I somehow managed to also get him to drop off the little one on the way to work! WHATEVER IT TAKES, people!

 

2) NAP TIME NAZI

I was reading about naps one day in "Baby 411" (a must read for new parents, by the way), and I have lived by the line in the book that says, "Nap time should last at least one hour. What the child chooses to do for that hour is up to him." Let's be honest...naps are more for the parents than the kids. Yes, kids need sleep, blah blah blah. Naps are MY sanity, MY favorite part of the day, and MY time. If one of my kids only slept for 45 minutes at nap time, they sat in their beds for the remaining 15. And I felt absolutely no guilt about it. After all, it was written in a parenting book by a DOCTOR, so it MUST be true. :)

3) TV

Neither of my kids were big fans of television before about 18 months...and as much as I know it was bad for them that young, it made me SO sad! I so desperately wanted to let Elmo or Mickey Mouse babysit for just 30 little minutes a day, and neither of them had interest! I seriously didn't understand what was wrong with them...Carter FINALLY got into shows around two, and Kate is FINALLY beginning to enjoy small chunks of a few shows, and it is a blessed MIRACLE.  I can occasionally shower, cook dinner, clean up, etc without a shadow! :) 

4) FIVE SECOND RULE

Um...how about five minutes (Carter) or five hours (Kate)?!! With Carter, I usually gave it a few minutes...but he was my first child. Second child, I'm so sorry. I occasionally catch Kate walking around the playroom with something in her mouth, and when I ask her what it is, she usually says it is a Cheerio, Goldfish, etc. I will then think through when those snacks were brought upstairs, and as long as it was in the last 24 hours, I usually let her eat it. If you're mad at me reading this in 25 years, Kate, just think about all the immunity you were building at a young age! 

5) THE ROSA'S GUMBALL MACHINE

So, I lie to my kids at times. I lie and tell them the stupidly expensive rides at the mall are broken or that the toy store is closed on Tuesdays or that the ice cream store ran out of M&Ms. It makes it hard for them to argue with me...and that's always a win. One of the places I lie is at Rosa's - our usual Friday night dinner spot. They have a giant gumball machine by the exit that has a sign that says 50 cents on it. For a while, it was meltdown city every time we left the restaurant because Carter wanted a gum ball. Since I am not a big fan of putting my kids' lives in danger with candy they'd choke on, I always said no. It was always ugly. Until about six months ago when I decided to tell Carter that Rosa's had a rule that you had to be at least 5 to get gum. I pointed to the 5 on the machine, and he couldn't argue with the sign. Leaving dinner has been blissful ever since.

 6) MY KID PEES ON TREES

Yeah, I know. It's gross. It's public nakedness. He could probably get a rash. But he's 4, and when he has to go pee, he has to go NOW. So if there's a nearby tree and I can shield him, I let him "water the tree." He tells me his pee has superpowers and that it'll make the tree grow big and strong. And you know what, I tell him that's he's EXACTLY RIGHT. 

While I am certain I could list about a million more of these, those are the top six that come to mind today! This was SUCH a fun topic! Happy Hump Day, everyone!!

Little Eyes Are Always Watching...

Last Wednesday, I was stopped at a stoplight. We were on our way to drop off my son at preschool, and the day had already been...well, special. I glanced up at the rear-view mirror and realized in the chaos of the morning, I had forgotten to put on any makeup. I am not a big make-up girl, but my daughter had been up with teething pain the night before, so I decided my tired eyes needed a little help. I dug into my purse and pulled out my concealer, and as I began dotting it underneath my weary eyes, I caught a glimpse of my baby girl in the backseat. She had taken her tiny little finger and was mimicking my motions on her own face. It stopped me completely in my tracks. I watched her closely as I continued to apply my makeup, and I saw her mimic each and every motion I made...unscrewing and screwing the tops, blending the blush, brushing on the mascara. Although it was the first time I had noticed it, it was clearly not the first time she had decided to do this. She was focused, soaking in each and every motion, as if she was memorizing a new skill.  

She’s 20 months old.

Later that day,  I began to think about what had happened in the car. It made me wonder what ELSE she had seen me doing and how those moments had affected her. (And I kind of panicked...I really thought I had at least a few more years before I had to deal with this stuff?!!) It dawned on me at that moment that even at a young age, I was already teaching her what it means to be a woman.

While this little copycat situation may have seemed cute and innocent on the surface, I take these sorts of things very seriously because if I’m being completely honest, raising a daughter in today’s selfie-obsessed, social media crazed world TERRIFIES ME. I never, not for one second, take it lightly that I am the first female role model my daughter will have.That thought is never, ever lost on me because for years, I was told I would never have children. I shouldn’t, according to doctors, have been able to conceive and carry children at all because of the damage I did to myself many years ago.

But, because we all know God is the ultimate fancy-schmancy miracle worker, here I sit today blessed with not one, but two beautiful kids. If you had told me at 17 that I would one day be a mom to a tender-hearted, sensitive little blonde boy and a vivacious little lady with piercing chocolate brown eyes, I would’ve laughed in your face. It shouldn’t be possible.

For those of you who don’t know me personally, I battled Anorexia and Exercise Bulimia for nearly four years...a battle that should’ve cost me my life. My disordered eating began young at just 13 years old, but it peaked at 17 when I was hospitalized for a heart condition. I had done so much damage those four years waging war with the enemy for control of my weight that my body was literally breaking down its own muscle to stay alive. By God’s grace, my gynecologist caught the condition in time and put me in the hands of an amazing pediatric cardiologist who literally saved my life. The road ahead of me was long and not without struggle, but God carried me through it all, and the hope of one day defying the odds and becoming a mother motivated me to stay the course and fight the fight.

Fast forward to Valentine’s Day, 2013.  I am sitting at the perinatologist’s office for a sonogram of my second child at about 13 weeks along.  I knew prior to that appointment that there was a chance she would tell me the gender that day. She was able to tell me at the same sonogram that my firstborn was a boy, so I kept my fingers crossed that I’d find out again. As the doctor took all of her measurements and showed me various things going on with the baby, she kept saying that she couldn’t determine the gender just yet and needed a different angle. After about 20 minutes of still undetermined gender, I resigned myself to the fact that I wouldn’t know the answer that day. And then, in the eleventh hour, the doctor smiled a big smile, looked down at me and said, “I can see it clearly now. You have a daughter.”

Cue the ugly cry.

Through big giant crocodile tears of disbelief, I asked her, “How sure are you? Like 90%? Or more? Because I’ve heard it’s too early to know that it’s a girl...”

“Oh, I don’t guess,” she said. “If I wasn’t 100% sure, I wouldn’t tell you anything. That is clearly a girl.”

That’s when my panic began. Memories of everything I had been through as a teenager came to mind. I immediately wanted to put that precious girl in a bubble and protect her from all the cruel things I knew she’d inevitably encounter in the world. The thought of my perfect baby girl experiencing bullying, gossip, heartache, and body hatred was just too much for me.

But I’ve learned that the miracle-working God who helped me overcome my obstacles and answered my decade of prayer is the same God who is wise and guides me every day as I model true beauty for that baby girl. We may not be sitting down having heart-to-heart conversations about mean girls at school yet, but my actions today matter. It matters that we eat meals together. It matters that she sees me look in the mirror with a smile on my face. It matters that we go out for walks as a family. In these little years, we are planting the seeds of contentment.

That morning in the car as I watched her mimic me putting on lipgloss, God reminded me that I have an incredible responsibility and obligation to be sure that my children grow up in a home where they see true values - the good stuff like honesty, generosity, service, and love. If what they see instead is me hiding my dark circles, obsessing over having single-digit clothing sizes, or worrying about the way my chin looks in a selfie, I’ve missed the mark. The way my children approach the world and view themselves starts early, and it starts with me.

Those little eyes are always watching...so today, I am going to choose to show my daughter that what is beautiful is not the makeup on my face, but the way I love my family, my faith in God, and my kindness toward others. So I challenge you today to think...when those little eyes look at you, what will they see?

[NOTE: This post can also be found on Heather Creekmore's blog, Compared to Who. :) It was featured in her series on helping our daughters create a healthy body image. If you or someone you know is struggling with body image, Heather's blog is a great source of information.]

What's Up Wednesday Link-Up

 Hey there! So, I am totally stealing the "What's Up Wednesday" idea from the Mix & Match Family blog because I thought this would be a great opportunity to recap all that has been going on in our house this spring! :) So, let's go!

What We're Eating This Week...

Our menu this was not really share-worthy due to a lack of planning on my part, but my favorite recipe I'm making this week is Crockpot Chicken Tacos. Three ingredients (4 frozen chicken breasts, 1 small jar of salsa, and a taco seasoning packet), four hours on high, shred and pile on tortillas with your favorite taco toppings. DONE. Couldn't be easier. I serve it with tortilla chips and a fruit salad, and everyone is happy. :) 

What I'm Reminiscing About...

My firstborn is turning four on Sunday. FOUR. How can that be?! I blinked, and I have a little boy. I have to learn to stop blinking!!!

What I'm Loving...

My new car! A few months ago, we found out my 4Runner needed quite a bit of service that we didn't want to pay for, so we decided to scrap it and go ahead and trade it in. I got a white Chevy Traverse, and I am in love! :) 

What We've Been Up To...

Birthdays, birthdays, and more birthdays! Celebrating friends' and family members' birthdays and planning for Carter's this weekend! :)  

What I'm Dreading...

I may get blasted for this one...but I am sort of dreading summer. I am a girl who LOVES a schedule and routine, so the idea of three months where every day is different, there is no consistency, and no one goes to any kind of school FREAKS. ME. OUT. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE summer activities and traveling, but the days and weeks where we have very little going on schedule-wise stress me out. I know I should embrace it and adore the play time with the kids, and I am definitely trying to do so, but I'm just wired for routine. Anyone else like that?

 What I'm Working On...

I just wrapped up and submitted a guest post to the amazing Heather Creekmore's blog on body image called Compared to Who...I'll post it here as well, but if you don't know Heather and body image is a struggle of yours, check her out! She is currently in a series on how we can help our daughters with their body image, and I was asked to post about being intentional with the little ones. I was honored to share, and I just love her advice!

What I'm Excited About...

I have a new job! In August, I will start teaching part-time at my children's preschool, Lifepoint. I will be teaching the 3s on Tuesday/Thursday, and I am so excited to join their team!

What I'm Watching/Reading...

 My current binge-watch is Parenthood, but it is about to end because I'm almost done with Season 5 and Season 6 isn't on Netflix yet. AHHHH! I don't know what I'm going to do!! Any suggestions for me?? 

I am currently reading "Carry On, Warrior" by the wonderful Glennon Melton. I'm pretty sure we are soul mates. She is so encouraging, funny, and real. If you are a mom and looking for an uplifting read, I highly suggest it. 

What I'm Listening To...

Pandora, Pandora, and more Pandora. :) I love the variety!

What I'm Wearing...

(Am I the only one who finds this particular question kind of creepy?!! I know it's supposed to be a fashion-related question, but I can't shake the creepiness of it...I know, I'm a juvenile. Why do you think I fit in so well with eighth graders?!!) 

No comment here. Fashion has never been my strength. 

What I'm Doing This Weekend...

Celebrating my in-laws 40th anniversary on Saturday and my big 4-year old on Sunday!!! :) 

What I'm Looking Forward to Next Month...

Two words - LAKE. HOUSE. Although I'm dreading the travel, I cannot wait for a laid back weekend of swimming, boating, picnics, and eating my body weight in chips and dip. YES, PLEASE.

What Else is New...

Not one more thing. This list was fun, but I'm exhausted! (And if you're still reading, I'm impressed!) 

Happy Hump Day, friends!!!

Icemageddon Recap

Happy spring break, friends!!

The last two weeks around here have been...umm...special. If you live in the north Texas area like me, you know that there has been really depressing weather for the last few weeks that including several snow days. I have to say, as a teacher, I ADORED snow days because I got to spend extra time at home and didn't have to wrangle the juvenile delinquents for a day. As a mom, different story. This about sums it up...

We are a family that thrives on being out and about with our friends...and snow days just don't allow for that. Daddy being home makes it better, but there is just too much fighting, too much cabin fever, and too much whining/boredom for this mom. But, alas, we survived. Here is how we survived Icemageddon...

"Sledding" in a laundry basket...super classy.

 Snow angels...kinda.

 Ball pit baths - my kids LOVE this!

Lots of dress-up...

 And a desperate trip to the mall to get our fix of Chick-Fil-A!

 On the second day home, Blake managed to get out to work in the afternoon, and our favorite gymnastics center, My Gym, opened for free play in the afternoon - total God-send!

 Kate rocked a big girl ponytail...she is looking WAY too old these days! :(

The next snow day happened the following week...it was all fun and games while the snow was coming down...

Making a snow man! (And yes, those are cheeseballs on the face. We are ALL CLASS around here.)

 Kate was NOT a fan once it had all fallen...ha! Me too, girlfriend!

 So, we recovered with ice cream cones. :)

Here's hoping that the snow/ice/sleet/TORTURE is behind us and that warmer weather is on its way! I am SO ready for flip flops and spring dresses and more walks outside with these guys! 

If you've had snow days lately where you live, what were some of your favorite indoor activities? Would love to hear from you!

Ahhhh naps...

We've suffered a major loss in our house recently.

My son has given up naps.

Moment of silence for the loss of my sanity, please.

(Sigh)

If you are a stay-at-home mom like me, you understand that the proper functioning of all members of the house lives and dies by the nap schedule. For most families, the hours of 1pm-3pm are sacred. SACRED, I tell you. When a well-meaning, typical older family member invites the family over for the dreaded late lunch (and by late I mean noon), the question for the parents of littles is always, "But what about nap time?" Awkward conversations begin amongst the extended family about how kids these days are no longer "flexible" and need to learn to "go with it" a little more. (Easy for you to say, Aunt Sally. You don't have to deal with the exhausted little minion come 5pm!) Some parents begin bargaining for who will attend with the older children and who will keep the little ones home for naps. Some parents drag along a pack and play (which initially requires four grown men to assemble) and hope for the best. It's a whole thing.

(And don't even get me started on those of you who schedule birthday parties at 1:30pm. Yeah, I see you.)

During a sleep regression or serious teething, most normally put together moms can be found around 4pm in their sweats, aimlessly wandering Target while chugging a latte because nobody napped, daddy's not home yet, and everyone has to endure at least 3 MORE BLESSED HOURS until the holy grail of bedtime. (Which may or may not even go very well.)

(Again, sigh.)

Naps really are important. These are the things that nobody tells you when you're pregnant. When you have a newborn, it's a non-issue because they spoil you and sleep anywhere and everywhere. The older ones (say 3 and up) can typically go without, and it's no big deal. The age where it becomes a truly critical puzzle piece in your day is from about 6 months to 3 years. 

So, what's a mom to do?

Today, I'm sharing the three keys I've learned to nap time success.

1) CONSISTENCY is the absolute key to our nap time bliss. Putting the baby down at noon one day and 2pm the next will not work out for ANYONE. Over time, their little bodies develop a rhythm, and they can adapt to whatever schedule you set, but you have to set it. And stick to it. That's the hard part...because it is SO tempting on a beautiful afternoon to push them too long at the park or on a busy Saturday to run "just one more errand" or on a holiday to throw the schedule out the window because they're having fun. But, OH, there is always hell to pay. And unless you're raising the dalai lama, the overly tired kid will fall asleep in the car for 10 minutes, wake up either hysterical or wired, and won't go back down until bedtime. Or you will have missed the window completely, they'll raise hell in their crib for an hour and be up until bedtime. Or, and this is just pure evil...they'll sleep for the most dreaded 45 minutes and wake up screaming like a mental patient.

 And ain't nobody got time for that.

2) THE PROPER ENVIRONMENT - At our house, blackout shades and white-noise machines are a must. We love this noise machine by Graco, but anything that makes noise will work. (A box fan, for example, if you're rolling on a budget.) There have been many days where 30 minutes into nap time, the next door neighbor decides his lawn needs a trim, and the white noise has been a savior. Turning on that noise signals sleep to my kids, and I am convinced they sleep harder and longer because of it. Blackout shades are just common sense. Darkness equals sleep.

3) A NAP TIME ROUTINE - Let's keep it real here - by nap time, I'm spent and really ready for a break. I would love nothing more than to just plop my kids in their beds and walk away. But I've learned the hard way that after a full morning of play time, that just doesn't work for my kids, and the extra 5-10 minutes of a wind down routine is really worth the effort. We do a very abbreviated version of our bed time routing which includes a diaper change, book, song, rocking (if age appropriate) and going into the crib (or bed) awake. If I take the time do help them wind down, they are usually down within 15-20 minutes, and the afternoon is much smoother for everyone.

 

 

(Don't let this picture fool you - it's from October...the last time Carter actually took a nap.) 

So, here's to happy napping and the preservation of our sanity, mama! Good luck!