Oh, Happy Friday! [Adoption Update]

Happy Friday, friends!

So, remember that time I thought we were home study approved? Yeah, so we technically were not yet. This actually IS my first rodeo in the adoption world, and I misunderstood our social worker when she told me that "this part was done" in her email. What she actually meant was HER part was done...but this is international adoption, and if I've learned anything in the past several months, I've learned that there are always MULTIPLE approvals that have to happen for every single step, so were not in fact home study approved then. We were a few approvals shy...

But, as of Tuesday, we are NOW approved. For real this time. ;) So, let's celebrate again! We should be receiving the actual report from our social services agency any day, and then we can mail in our immigration approval. That should take somewhere between 6 and 12 weeks to get back, and that'll be the final piece to our dossier puzzle. I have my fingers crossed that our dossier will be sent to China sometime in January, but that depends on how quickly USCIS (aka the immigration people) give us our approval.

My life right now...this made me laugh. :)

The crazy thing about now having our "official" home study approval from Holt is that we've been added to their family list! This means we could get "the call" any day now to review a child's file! Because we are open on gender, we have been told our match could happen, at least unofficially within the next couple of months. (They say a "long" wait time to match a family who is open on gender is four months...) For those of you unfamiliar with the process, the adoption agencies do all of the matching and referrals for China adoptions; the government in China does not get involved at all until the agency and family have agreed to the match, so it's possible that we could submit our dossier to China already matched. EEEEK! SO exciting!

So, with that shared, I have a two prayer requests to share if you are the praying kind...

1) Financial Provision: I know, the icky part. :( If I'm going to paint an accurate description of the international adoption process for you here, there's just no way to sugarcoat this part of it. Typically a fee is involved with all of the exciting milestones that happen in the process, and we are being hit with some big ones right now. Would you continue to pray for us here? We are absolutely humbled by the generosity of those who want to see us grow, and we are blown away by the support we have received already. (Side note: A huge thank you to my brother and his wife who held a garage sale in our honor last weekend and to my amazing friend, Laurel, who is donating half of our Rodan + Fields proceeds to us from her November sales. If you are interested in trying her products, shop her website HERE.) 

2) Wisdom on Travel: After discussing travel with our social worker and several friends, we are really leaning toward taking the kids with us to China. Adoption is a family event, and we feel like we should go there and return as a family unit. We really feel like the transition for all three kids will be easier if everyone is included in the process...HOWEVER, that means flying all four of us there, bigger hotel rooms, AND flying all FIVE of us home. (I get an eye twitch just thinking about that part...) But, this child is getting a WHOLE family, not just a mommy and daddy, and I think Carter and Kate will feel less resentment if they experience the adoption with us. It's a huge decision, so prayers for wisdom and clarity here would be so appreciated.

Thanks for continuing to follow us in this journey. And stay tuned next week...I've gotten countless questions from friends about how I "convinced" my husband to adopt (spoiler alert: I didn't...), so I have asked him to share HIS side of this journey with you. I've done all of the talking up until this point, so it's about time you heard from HIM how we got here! :) 

  

Sunday Morning Praises

1) On Saturday afternoon, our sales number on our t-shirt Booster went from 99 to 105. Triple digits, baby! We are THRILLED and humbled. Approaching $1800 raised and counting...and still 20 days to go before it closes!

2) Our amazing pastor, whose sermon on Nehemiah last winter was a major catalyst for us in this whole journey, bought a shirt for himself and his wife. I mean...hey, tears and full-circle moment. You know you've found a solid church home when your pastor supports your adoption fundraiser, am I right?! 

3) We have received several direct donations from our Paypal link (underneath my bio on the right side bar); one of those donations was so generous that it will cover almost all of our immigration costs. You just can't make this stuff up, y'all.

4) All of our dossier paperwork has been shipped to our agency for them to begin notarizing, certifying, and authenticating. Halle-freakin-lujah! I now have TWO POUNDS of documents OFF MY DESK. Talk about a weight lifted! Literally! ;)

And just because it was a serious proud mama moment...

5) This cutie scored his FIRST GOAL in his soccer game yesterday! I was so proud of him! We always make a point to stress that having fun (okay, and not falling down) is the most important thing because, hello, he's FOUR, but it was SO COOL that he scored! Blake may or may not have scared a few people in the crowd with the volume of his cheering. I can neither confirm nor deny it.

And I'm ending today with a prayer request...

We have our first social worker meeting on Wednesday afternoon. I have talked with enough people to know that it's not something to be super nervous about - no white glove dust test or anything - but  I am still nervous about getting the house picked up, clean, and looking at least semi-organized this week while being followed around constantly by my tiny tornadoes sidekicks. Prayers appreciated that she likes the "lived-in" look for families! :)

Answering the Hard Question: "Why Go All the Way to China When So Many American Kids Need Loving Homes?"

So, I've written quite a few posts now about our adoption and how the process is going, and I am thrilled to see so much interest from friends in hearing about how we got to this point. I've had questions about what the process looks like, the financial obligation, the children's care prior to adoption, and many more, and it absolutely thrills me to share what I know so far because it means people are curious. And that makes me SO happy.

I had a friend of mine from high school suggest that I talk about why we ultimately chose to adopt internationally rather than domestically, and how we chose China as our country program. I've gotten this question a few times, and I haven't directly addressed it here on the blog up until this point because it is a deeply personal decision that every family has to make for themselves if they choose this path. But in the interest of transparency, I am cautiously going to share with you all a few things that weighed heavily on us as we considered our options.

Before I talk about our actual research, please hear my heart. Adoption is not for everyone, and what is right for us, may not be right for the next adoptive family. I am simply sharing my experience and how our family came to this decision. I am not a social worker, I do not work for an adoption agency, and I am certainly no "adoption expert." I'm figuring this whole thing out as I go!

Choosing adoption of any kind is a very big, very emotional, very personal decision for a couple to make. There are LOTS of unknowns in adoption in all forms, and so the mere fact that we chose this difficult path at all was a hard decision. We went into our research with a very open mind. We felt strongly that at the end of the day, a sweet baby with no parents was getting a forever family, and it truly didn't matter to us whether or not that child was born halfway down the block or halfway around the world. We believe every adoptive family has a different path, just as every member of the body of Christ has a different spiritual gift, and we just needed to figure out ours.

When we first began thinking of adoption, we knew pretty quickly we did not want to pursue a newborn. I'll give it to you straight - we are not baby people. I basically spent the first year of each of my bio kid's lives thinking, "Get bigger! Get older! This part stinks!" With that said, we LOVE toddlers and feel very drawn to that age, so we knew we'd want to bring home a child around 1 or 2. We prayed about domestic newborn adoption for a brief period, but both Blake and I knew pretty quickly that our missing piece was not there. We both envisioned our "plus one" as a toddler, so at that point we began researching foster care...

We looked into the foster-to-adopt program, but ultimately, the uncertainty of that foster placement's future was what broke my heart and made me walk away from this path. When you receive the placement of a foster child, there is no guarantee that the child will stay with your family. Reunification with the biological parents (or their extended family) is typically the goal in fostering, and, frankly, we didn't want to be a temporary placement. We didn't feel like that was in the best interest of Carter and Kate. We wanted to give a FOREVER family to the child we brought home.

So, that led us internationally. We conferred with many families who adopted from a variety of countries, several of which we were told had very corrupt systems and to avoid, and both Blake and I felt very drawn to Asia. We knew of several families who had adopted from South Korea, so we initially looked into that program, but as we learned about the changes in that country's timeline and cost, we moved our focus to China. 

And as they say, the rest is history. We are adopting through the "Waiting Child" program, which means our child will have at least some minor medical needs such as a cleft lip (repaired or unrepaired), minor heart defect, minor finger/toe deformity, birthmark, orthopedic needs, etc. The adoption program from China is very stable and has a very streamlined, predictable process. The timeline for most families is 1-2 years from application to travel (which is very quick in the international adoption world), and the travel requirement is only two weeks in-country which seemed manageable to us. (Some programs we looked at required parents to stay for several months or required multiple trips. That wouldn't work for us.)

More than anything, we ultimately chose to adopt from China because God led us there. 

We prayed HARD through this research period, and we both felt an absolute peace about the China program. We feel 100% confident that our missing piece is currently living in China, and we pray every day that he is being cared for and loved well in our absence. We cannot wait to meet our baby, but more than that, we cannot wait to walk off that airplane and say to Carter and Kate, "This is your little brother. He is ours. He is going to be with us forever, and we are going to love him like crazy." 

My Wish For You...

For last few weeks, I've been keeping a prayer journal of things I hope for with regards to our new son or daughter. The odds are pretty good that our child has already been born, and although we haven't officially been matched with a child yet, I have felt such a burden to pray for that baby who will one day call me "mom." It's ambiguous (and probably a little silly even) given that we don't even know the gender yet, but there's this strange thing adoption does to your heart...you feel a connection in this strange, cosmic way to someone you've never seen, never spoken to, never touched, and, in our case, who lives half a world away. I can't explain it any other way than that. Deep down inside, I know there is a missing piece of my heart that is living and breathing more than 7,000 miles away from me, so when it's late at night and I have no other way to cope with missing that baby I've never met, I pray.

And the overwhelming prayer and wish I have for our child is this...

Lord, please let my baby feel loved. I pray for hugs, kisses, and that someone holds that little one close every day.

I realize for most of us, this is SO simple. Of course, you hold a baby every day. Of course, you hug and kiss him. Of course you do. But our child is more than likely living in an orphanage, sleeping in a long row of dozens of cribs at night. When he or she cries at night, I can't know with 100% certainty that someone goes to the baby to see what's wrong. When it's feeding time, there is no guarantee in an orphanage that a human being holds the bottle and feeds our child while looking into his eyes. I hope, I pray, that someone is engaging our child with songs and touch and toys at play time...but I just don't know that to be true. 

But, oh, I can pray for it.

I can pray that our child is cared for and loved on by a consistent nanny who shows him how to love in return. I can pray that she holds and hugs and kisses and nurtures him the way we would if we could.

I can pray that when that baby feels sad or lonely, that God would surround her with love in our absence.

I can pray that our child is embraced by happy and energetic nannies who encourage his development through songs and colorful toys and reading. 

I can pray that our little one receives solid nutrition each day that is being fed to her by a human being and not a prop. 

I can pray that those caregivers celebrate all the milestones we are missing and write them down so that we can one day tell our child when he began sitting up, got that tiny first tooth, and took those perfectly clumsy first steps. 

I can pray that the orphanage seeks medical attention for our child when she has that first cold or needs to be evaluated for her medical needs. 

I can pray that, even in some cosmic sense, our sweet child feels our love from half a world away.

It may all be wishful thinking...but it's what I can do for now. I can pray. I can pray daily, hourly, every minute. There's not much I can control about my child's early days since I won't be there to see them or intervene. There's a lot that I will miss out on, and that hurts. Some days, it's unbearable to even think about. And in those moments, I do the one thing I can do - pray. I give my worries to God and pray for someone to shower our child with hugs and kisses. Again, and again, and again. 

And for now, that is enough.

Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.
(1 Peter 5:7)  

September Goals

September.

Ahhhh, one of my absolute favorite months of the year.

School is starting again, college football is coming back (WHOOP!), life goes back to a somewhat predictable routine, bed times get earlier (ALL the praise hands), pumpkin everything comes out on the shelves, and the heat at least minimally decreases...some days. ;) 

With all the positives that happen in September, I'll be honest. September can be incredibly overwhelming as a parent. There are new teachers and new routines to get used to, and that is typically met (at least from my kids) with some resistance. We are trading lazy days at home with no schedule and too many popsicles for an early bedtime and learning the alphabet...it's hard to blame them for protesting!

(This made me LOL.)

This September is different for me. In addition to all the change for my kids, I'm starting a part-time job teaching at my children's preschool AND we are in the thick of a home study for our adoption. So, last night I made a list of my goals for the month...and I thought I'd share them here more for accountability than anything. (Oh, and don't mind the coffee stain. It's fine. It may have been my fifth cup of the day, but it's fine.)

We have only TWO...TWO, y'all...outstanding pieces of paperwork left before we can submit our packet to our social worker and schedule a home visit to wrap up the home study process. WA-FREAKING-HOO! It has been absolutely insane few weeks of gathering the list of 25+ documents we needed for this. This is big, y'all...big step here. 

We are planning a t-shirt fundraiser through Booster for October, and we need to finalize the design. We plan to launch October 1, so stay tuned for details! I am THRILLED at the idea we came up with for this!

As I mentioned in my last post, we are still working on the medical needs checklist...continued prayers for us there as we seek out my cousin (a pediatrician) for wisdom and guidance here.

Pray...every day, every hour, nearly every minute, I fight the urge to feel overwhelmed and give up in all of this. It's just sometimes too much for me. The money, the time, the paperwork, the thought of parenting THREE KIDS...but I know that we are being guided, prayed for, and led here, so I continually pray for God to be in total control here as we move forward. It is a daily, hourly prayer of mine...that HE be in the driver's seat and not me. I have to remind myself all the time that we wouldn't be here without his leading and that I need to trust in that. And, more importantly, trust in HIM. 

And lastly, we are somehow going to pull off a garage sale fundraiser the last weekend of the month. Several of our friends and family members have donated items to this for us, so it will be quite large...and full of "treasures" as my dad calls them. :) If you're local and have items you'd like to contribute, shoot me an email and I'm happy to come pick them up! 

Thank you all for continuing to journey this with us...

Climbing the Paperwork Mountain

So, a lot of friends and family who have seen our adoption announcement and our huge thank you have been asking where we are in the process. Well, here you go. Welcome to my desk. Anytime I'm not racing cars with Carter, playing dolls with Kate, or preparing for my new preschool class, you'll find me here...in paperwork hell. ;)

I've been told this part of the process is a "weed-out" of sorts. Remember in college when you took those 101 courses in your major that were overwhelming and intended to scare away those who weren't 100% committed to the subject? Yes, well. That's where we are. I've heard many people get to this point in the adoption process and give up because it can be so overwhelming and time-consuming. And I totally get it.

A small sampling of what we have to gather...

-Certified birth certificates

-Certified marriage certificates

-Financial statements

-Four reference letters

-FBI Background clearances

-A hand-drawn floor plan (with dimensions) of our home (EEK)

-ETC, ETC, ETC

The list includes about 25 documents similar to this...and that's just for the home study. The dossier is another 20-25 documents, some of which overlap, some of which don't. Fortunately, our agency offers an optional service for "first-timers" where they can do some of the work for you with regards to certifying and notarizing documents, and we firmly believe that's worth every penny. 

 I haven't felt this "adult" in a LONG time.

The other thing we are currently working on is our list of medical needs that we would consider. China has essentially shut down the healthy infant program (unless you want to wait 8+ years for a referral...um, no thanks), so they primarily only adopt out children with identified medical needs. Some are fixed in China before they come home, some are not. Some are very minor things, some are very serious. Some children are diagnosed properly in China, some are not. (Medical care in China is not exactly up to par with the US.) Part of the home study process includes researching and identifying which needs you'd consider for your family. 

Can I make a small confession here? This part of the process is absolutely TERRIFYING to me. I think it partly scares me because I already have two kids to care for and our agency has really encouraged us to know our limitations given this child is our third. It partly scares me because I worry the diagnosis could be wrong, but I think what hurts me most is that every time I don't check "yes" to a special need, I know in my heart that means I'm saying "no" to an orphaned child. And man, that stings. 

Friends, can I BEG AND PLEAD for you all to be praying for us as we examine this list? 

I know our God is bigger than any diagnosis, bigger than these financial mountains, bigger than this paperwork...but this part of the process is just riddled with fear. Normal, healthy fear for sure...but fear, none the less. There are so many unknowns, but we continue to move forward in faith that He already knows our story, and He'll carry it through to completion.

Thanks, friends for continuing to pray with us and share our journey.