Yesterday, we did something we hoped and prayed we would never have to do.
After lots of confusion, conversation, and prayer, we declined our first referral.
We got the call Wednesday afternoon. It had been a really rough day up until that point. I wasn't feeling well, Kate was being difficult, and we had very little on the calendar that day which always leaves me frazzled. (I'm not the most spontaneous person...)
At 3:45 that afternoon, the call I'd been waiting and praying months for came in. I saw an unknown number with "Eugene, OR" underneath it, and I immediately knew what it was. I began to shake, and adrenaline took over. My kids were hanging on me, arguing, and driving me crazy, so I quickly turned on Nick Jr. and hid in the closet to answer. (Whatever it takes, y'all.) Naturally, Blake was in a meeting, so it was just me and our agency director talking about this boy.
My heart sank a little bit when I learned he was just slightly older than we had originally planned on and that he had a medical need we were not originally considering, but I agreed to look at this little boy's file and talk it over with my husband and our pediatrician.
Well, we never really got to the pediatrician part.
That night, my husband and I opened the photos in the file and quickly realized this boy was older than the 19 months we were told he was on the phone. We then dove into his social history and realized the dates when he had been found and admitted to his orphanage could not possibly be accurate given his birth date. We got back on the phone immediately with our agency, and they were equally confused. She told us to sit tight as she clarified these issues with the orphanage, and we continued to look at his pictures and discuss his needs.
Because my husband knows me so well and has learned when I need to take a break, he sent me to Target after the kids went to bed "to clear my head." He only asked that I just keep the bill to under $100...which, let's just be real, is impossible. ;) After a little retail therapy, I found myself driving around afterward with some praise music on, just thinking about this boy and how our life would look with him in it. I thought about Kate and how she wouldn't really get the chance to the "big" sister, as the child in the file is already her size. (Bless it.) I thought about his medical need and all the uncertainty there. I thought about this baby's beautiful almond eyes and his tiny little nose and how he so desperately deserved a mom and dad who would shower him with hugs and kisses. I was horribly torn.
When I got home, Blake and I talked some more, and although we were leaning toward declining simply based on the confusion in the file, we agreed to hear what the agency learned before giving them an answer.
The agency director called us yesterday morning and confirmed our suspicions - this boy was already 2 1/2 and his birth date was, in fact, wrong. We were not approved for a child his age, so the decision was essentially made for us. Although we are disappointed, we are so thankful that the decision was so clear, and we have peace about it.
We are heartbroken that we had to say no to this precious boy, but we have no doubt that his forever family will find him soon. He was not meant to be our son, and we continue to wait to see our baby's face. We cannot wait for the day when we can shout from the rooftops that we have a boy waiting for us in China, and we continue to look even more forward to the day we have him in our arms.
Thanks for continuing to journey this process with us...it continues to be a wild ride.
Happy Weekend, friends!
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